Lili si Gelu in Ucraina /
Liliana and George in Ukraine

Cativa dintre voi stiti deja de ce a trebuit sa ne amanam plecarea din Kiev. Pentru cei care nu stiu urmatoarea este cauza. Cu un an in urma cand am inceput procesul de adoptie am facut o aplicatie de imigrare a copilului pe care urma sa-l adoptam. Intre timp au urmat alte documente, interviuri, home study si altele. Timpul a trecut si (cred) ca am uitat sau pierdut din vedere "amanuntul" asta, asa incat cand am fost intrebati ce fel de aplicatie am facut, de imigrare sau cetatenie, am raspuns "credem ca de cetatenie", lucru care nu era real. Dupa cum va dati seama "am incurcat borcanele" si acum platim (la propriu si la figurat) pentru asta. Trebuia sa facem aplicatie de cetatenie a copilului, mai ales ca cele doua proceduri sunt diferite. Deci in ziua in care Gelu a mers la ambasada Canadei din Kiev (vinerea trecuta) sa ia viza pentru Vlad s-a constatat ca noi de fapt avem aplicatie pentru imigrarea lui si nu cetatenie. Ce era de facut? Ni s-a spus ca trebuie sa-i facem alte analize medicale lui Vlad care trebuie trimise la Viena unde se va da un rezultat si abia apoi putem lua viza. Bineinteles ca acest raspuns dureaza. Mai mult, in Ucraina urma un long weekend (4 zile) in care nu se lucra. In primul rand am schimbat data de plecare (care costa $250/persona - am crezut noi), dupa care am asteptat sa treaca long weekend ca sa-i putem facem vizita medicala, lucru care s-a intamplat astazi. Aseara am realizat ca de fapt schimbarea pentru biletul de avion al lui Vlad n-a costat numai $250, ci $1300 pentru ca de fapt i-au dat un bilet nou. Noi aveam bilet cumparat pentru data de 5 mai (pentru mine si Gelu) pe care a trebuit sa le schimbam pentru 3 mai (cand am crezut ca vom avea viza) + bilet de avion pentru Vlad. Pentru ca n-am putut sa plecam la data respectiva am schimbat din nou toate trei biletele, dar asa cum am spus biletul lui Vlad n-a putut fi schimbat la acelasi pret ca al nostru (nici acum nu inteleg de ce) si a trebuit sa platim de cateva ori mai scump ($ 1300, asa cum am mentionat mai sus). In total am platit pana acum $2100 numai pe schimbari. Ultima data pe care o avem acum este 14 mai. DOAMNE AJUTA sa putem pleca atunci!!! Inainte sa parasesc subiectul asta vreau sa-i multumesc lui Vali (sora lui Gelu) foarte f. f. mult pentru tot efortul pe care l-a depus pentru noi in aceasta privinta. Ea a sunat in numele nostru la Delta Airline in America si s-a agitat sa obtinem o alta data la un pret rezonabil. Vali, chiar daca incercarea n-a avut succes, noi iti suntem recunoscatori.

De parca toate astea n-ar fi fost destul in ultimele zile ne intelegem tot mai greu cu Vlad. Nu ne mai asculta mai deloc si mai mult a inceput sa faca crize de isterie. Daca ii interzicem ceva sau nu-i pica lui bine se arunca de-a dreptul pe jos, se tavalaste pe unde apuca, se incordeaza din tot corpul si tipa cat il tin puterile. Am incercat macar sa-l mutam de la locul faptei (mai ales daca suntem pe strada sau pe ciment) si se zbate in bratele noastre incat cu greu facem fata sa-l tinem. Nu mai stim cum sa reactionam. Ne gandim la el sa nu se loveasca, dar parca nu mai stim cum sa-l ajutam. In fiecare dimineata ne propunem sa avem o zi buna, dar cum am mai spus, daca lui nu-i pica bine ceva sfarseste in acelasi mod si plange de ni se rupe sufletul. Bineinteles ca-l lasam sa se calmeze si apoi incercam cu vorba buna sa-i explicam si aratam ce nu e bine si cum trebuie facut, dar nu face decat sa-si faca regulile lui si noi parca suntem niste mielusei blanzi. Nu stim cum sa-i mai intram in gratii. Nu asa vazusem eu educarea copilului, dar practica e diferita de teorie. A inceput sa manance foarte selectiv (si nu stim ce sa-i mai dam), nu vrea sa-i mai punem pampersul, sa se imbrace, sa stea la olita, etc.Cand mergem pe afara se joca frumos pentru o perioada si cum ii spunem ca nu-i voie (de exemplu sa pune mana pe toate gunoaiele si apoi sa bage in gura) incepe circul. Nu vrem sa ne vaitam, dar stiu ca ne veti da sfaturi bune asa cum ati facut-o si pana acum si apreciem lucrul asta foarte mult. Va multumim tuturor celor care ne scrieti si ne sustineti cu experientele voastre de parinti.

Mai are si momente bune (din fericire), dar doar atunci cand e ceva nou (cred). De exemplu ieri am fost la tuns toti trei si a stat foarte frumos pe scaun de s-a mirat si frizerita ce copil cuminte (daca ar sti ea ce a urmat la aproape o jumatate de ora cand eram pe trotuar si n-a mai vrut sa ne tine de mana pe o strada foarte circulata unde masinile mergeau cu viteza). Am incercat sa-i dam si mai multa libertate si sa-l lasam sa exploreze; desigur ca intelegm ca este o lume noua si diferita pentru el decat intre zidurile orfelinatului, dar anumite lucruri sunt interzise si gata. Nu-i asa?

Astazi pentru ca am fost la vizita medicala exact cand ar fi trebuit sa-si faca somnul de dupa-amiaza, a fost nervos, obosit si cu nervi. A facut iar crize de isterie. Acum in sfarsit doarme si eu sunt trista. Sper ca maine sa fie o zi mai buna si cel mai mult sper ca analizele medicale sa fie gata inainte de data de 14 si sa putem lua viza si in sfarsit sa venim acasa. Tineti-ne pumnii!!!

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We had to delay our return home because of some facts that have occurred. One year ago when we started the adoption process, we have applied for immigration for the adopted child. Since then, we had to complete lots of documents, interviews, homestudy, etc. Meanwhile, we forgot or mixed up what kind of application we did being caught in this tedious process. So, when we were asked what kind of application we did, immigration or citizenship, we have mismatched the answer and said that we believe we applied for citizenship. What a big mistake!! Now we are paying for it. Last Friday, when George went to the Canadian embassy to obtain the visa for Vlad, it was revealed that we have applied for immigration instead of citizenship. What was to be done in this circumstance? We were being told that Vlad needs new medicals, done by a doctor licensed by the Canadian Embassy (the doctor we have already paid was not licensed for this purpose), and these medicals need to be sent to Vienna for approval. Of course this takes time, and on top of that the following four days were a long weekend due to a holiday in Ukraine. The first thing we did on Friday afternoon was to change again (for the second time) the flight tickets from May 3rd to May 14th. We hope at least that this date will work for us, meaning we will have the new medicals approved and visa by then.

Like if this was not enough, in the last couple of days we are having difficulties cooperating with Vlad. He does not listen to us almost at all, and started to have hysterical moments. If we don't allow him to do something (which we consider dangerous or unhealthy for him), he throws himself on the ground, screaming and crying as loud as he can. We tried to remove him from the spot, but he continues to show his tantrum and it's even hard to hold him in our arms. At this point we don't know what else to do, especially because we don't want him to hurt himself on hard surfaces. Every morning we hope for a better day, but for some reasons we end up in the same situation. Vlad cries a lot and we feel helpless. It seems like if he doesn't like something or he's not in a good mood, he breaks all the rules that previously he used to follow. When he has these moments we wait for him to calm down, then patiently try to explain and show him what and why he shouldn't be doing such things. He still doesn't want to cooperate and makes his own rules that it seems we end up following. We don't know how to please him anymore. This is not the way I have envisioned the education of my child, but for sure the theory is different than the practice. Even with the food he is very picky, refuses to let us put on a diaper, let us dress him or dress himself, sit on the potty (in the first few days he did this without problems) etc. When we go outside he plays nice for a period of time, then when we ask him not to touch for instance the garbage and then put his hands into his mouth, he starts the behaviour again. We don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't like and also we gave him some freedom, but sometimes he takes advantage of it and pushes the limits.

Vlad has good moments, too, but only when it's something new (we think). For instance, yesterday the three of us went to cut our hair and he was really good. Even the hairdresser said what a good boy he was (only if she knew that after just half an hour later he had another episode because he didn't want to hold our hands when walking on the sidewalk close to a very busy street with lots of cars). Of course we understand that everything is new for him and it's a different world that he was used to the orphanage, but we think that some rules must be followed. What is your opinion?

After we came from the medical check, because he missed his nap time, Vlad was again nervous, tired and not cooperating. He showed again tantrums. Now he is finally sleeping, and I am sad. I hope that tomorrow will be a better day, and what I hope the most is to have the medicals and visa by May 14, so we can come home. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.